I asked some of the ladies I know to tell me about what their experience was like having sex after a vaginal delivery. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but it had never ocurred to me to think about this until after I had a baby. Don't know if I'm a dumbass or if this is some sort of self-preservation/I-want-to-assume-I'll-continue-to-like-sex-so-I'll-bury-my-head-in-the-sand thing or what. But I never thought about it. I never heard anyone talk about it. So I decided this is a topic that should get some attention.

Here's one response I got:

I was SCARED TO DEATH. I kept thinking OMFG I am gonna tear right back open!!! Not to mention the amount of excruciating pain that I was about to endure! I was almost hyperventilating at the thought. I think my body must have been as stiff as a board.

But much to my surprise it wasn't nearly as horrifying as I had imagined. We took things slowly and used a lot of lubrication. There was a little pain (mostly a burning sensation from the skin stretching) at first, but I made him just stay still until the pain subsided before any thrusting began. We started moving slowly at first and then faster and faster as I became more comfortable. It was almost like having sex for the first time again, and it was certainly enjoyable for him since my vagina was a little tighter than it used be. So have no fear, it is not such a horrible horrifying experience.

I've known this woman for most of my life. So when I read that she felt "stiff as a board," it brought me back to playing Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board with her when we were kids. Funny.

One detail on her comments though, I'm pretty much POSITIVE that men don't give a shit how tight your vagina is. I could be wrong, but every. single. man. I've ever discussed it with says they don't care. Its more about chemistry than anything it seems.

Anyway, another woman responded saying that she hasn't been able to return to regular sexual patterns yet either. Its been about 6 months. She said she can't get over the feeling that she's been examined every time her husband touches her.

I guess parenting magazine just published an article about this. They probably did a better job than me. But they probably don't swear in posts either. Fuck 'em!

Anyway, some physical things to consider: your vagina has some remodeling tissues in there and it may take time for the region to allow you to enjoy things. I think oral sex should be mandatory in these scenarios. The women receiving, fellas. Don't get all excited and think I just ordered your gal to blow you. She's probably a little ahead on the tally there anyway. Ha! Get it? "ahead?" Boy, I'm mature sometimes.

Back to the post... on top of your vagina physically maybe lacking some comfort, you may also suffer from vaginal dryness due to the hormones. Again, oral is probably the way to go. But there's nothin wrong with a little bump n grind... just use some lube. Probably you'll both enjoy the oral better.

The other thing with breastfeeding and hormones and all that is that women may lack interest in sex. With dry nannies and painful sex, can you blame us? Our bodies are not ready for another baby and sex is ultimately, biologically a method to make a baby. So turning off the sex drive by drying up the pipes and focusing on the babies is our body's way of protecting us from shooting out another bean too soon.

In our society and our relationships, sex is part of romantic relationships. So, you should try to have some. Sometimes. Did I mention oral might be the way to go? Whatever you do, just take your time with each other and talk because what your feeling and doing is not new. And it is normal.

So I hear. I still haven't really had experience. Yup, that's right 4 months later, I'm holding a new V card. Or something. I'll keep working on that but have been having stitches and all kinds of girl part drama, so I've been benched. Soon though. Should be soon.