Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Male Perspective on Sex: Part II
What was sex like for you when your wife was pregnant?
My wife had a lot of nausea the first half of her pregnancy, so we didn't have a lot of sex. The routine aspect of sex while trying to conceive was something I disliked, believe it or not. It took away all the spontaneity, so it was nice to have it be more like it was before trying to conceive.
What things helped your sex life during pregnancy?
We got a little more adventurous with positions during pregnancy to get around the awkwardness as she grew. Some folks said doggy style works well, but we just found it ridiculous. Scissors style was easier for her, but her on top was best. We generally do her on top now.
Were there things throughout pregnancy/childbirth which took adjusting to? What were they and what helped in the adjustment?
The emotional swings of my wife were hard. If I wasn't in the mood, she'd take it pretty hard and it would only add to the feelings that she had about getting larger, not feeling attractive, etc.
Describe your experiences with sex immediately after your wife gave birth.
We took some time before having sex again. We are generally a low-sex couple (two to four times a month) but we went for a couple of months without any. We were both too exhausted and just didn't feel very sexy.
What advice could you offer dads about sex during pregnancy?
Remember that her emotions can be dialed way up, so being tender, caring and attentive is even more critical than ever. Tell her she's beautiful all the time. Also, her breasts (which have always been her most key erogenous zone) were tender so I had to change some of my nibble habits!
After birth?
My wife is much more likely to climax after her pregnancies. I think sex is generally more enjoyable for her because of this. The milk issue was tough though. She likes a lot of breast play (I do too!) And we had to pretty much shut that down for a year or so while nursing.
What advice could you offer moms about sex during pregnancy?
Not all guys are sex maniacs, so don't be insulted when we're not into it sometimes. Be ready to discover new and improved approaches to sex as the pregnancy goes on.
After birth?
For us, sex after pregnancy (now, years after) is much better than before, largely because she's more likely to climax. We didn't expect that at all, so it was a great outcome!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Male Perspective on Sex
There are ways that we all edit ourselves. Things we might think, but wouldn't say to our significant other. For example, my husband would never say I looked fat in anything. Nor would he tell me I looked like hell. Nor would he likely tell me the honest truth about my vagina after delivery. Especially if it looked like fat hell.
So since I wanted to find out what men think about sex during pregnancy and after birth, I went to TBK and asked her who she might know that I could interview. (Being as how she's the source for all things sex related and how nice and helpful she is by nature, I figured she'd have the answers or get them.) She got me in touch with Reverend Matt from over at www.thecollectionblog.com, to do the first of 3 interviews with men about their perspective. Reverand Matt was nice enough to allow me to interview him about the nitty gritty details of sex and pregnancy and all that stuff. He provided me with concise, open, honest answers and did so promptly too! Don't worry, I even asked him vagina questions. You're welcome. Without further ado:
What was sex like for you when your wife/partner/gf was pregnant?
How do you think fertility treatments affected your sex life?
Fertility treatments did affect our sex life in many ways. For me personally sex became a chore. There were specific days and times we HAD to have sex and ones where we shouldn't because there was no chance of conception and we didn't want to waste anything in the days leading up to the fertile stretch. It was tremendously stressful and cause me a great deal of anxiety about sex while we were going through it. Once we successfully conceived it became much easier to deal with sex again.
What things helped your sex life during pregnancy?
Were there things throughout pregnancy/childbirth which took adjusting to? What were they and what helped in the adjustment?
Describe your experiences with sex immediately after your wife gave birth.
What advice could you offer dads about sex during pregnancy?
After birth?
What advice could you offer moms about sex during pregnancy?
If your wife had a vaginal delivery, how did that change the sensation of sex for you? Visually could you tell? How did you feel about it?
The first was a vaginal delivery. It altered the layout of the whole region a bit (I would say tilted everything slightly back and maybe altered where various nerve endings etc were located). Visually it wasn't noticeable, but it was noticeably physically. I was fine with the changes, it all changes a little bit over the course of each cycle and with age/weight loss/weight gain/etc etc. It's not enough of a change to make sex more or less pleasurable. The second was a c-section which obviously didn't alter sex in any way post delivery.
Friday, December 3, 2010
When eating for two feels like being all alone
So since I have so many friends with kids, I didn't realize how isolating pregnancy can be. Until I was pregnant. And suddenly, I wasn't invited anymore. It wasn't a malicious thing on anyone's part. Its just that a lot of my friends are drinkers, and athletes. And a lot of what we do together is sports and drinking. Most times when we go out, I drink, but sometimes not. Sometimes I'm the DD or I just don't feel like it or I have one beer and call it good.
While I stayed active during pregnancy, you just can't go ski off a rock, or drink until 1 am. And so suddenly, I found myself alone a lot. Now, I like being alone. So it actually took me quite a while to notice that I hadn't been seeing people a whole lot. I'm lucky that way. And I didn't generally take it too personally. But I was pregnant and there's hormones and and and I'm not going to pretend I didn't ever feel left out.
But as I said, I like being alone. And I was busy overeating and sleeping a whole lot and enjoying doing a lot of reading so it wasn't too bad. But I'm pretty sure lots of women feel very lonely while pregnant. And you're supposed to be so happy and flowery that its hard to mention it to anyone. Especially when all people want to talk to you about is pregnancy. Then next thing you know it, all you can talk about is pregnancy and the baby babybabybaby. And you just don't feel like you; you feel like giant, all-alone you.