A blog about miscarriage, pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period that talks about everything no one talks about. Input WELCOME, email me at Swedishskier@gmail.com with suggestions, additions, or guest post submissions.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Cockblocking after babies

If there isn't enough cockblocking going on by the actual babies themselves, the worst cockblock around for us married ladies, is when our husband's idiot friends tell them horror stories about vasectomies. We're done. I don't want more babies. The idea of another pregnancy or two years without sleep makes me want to have a sex change and that's obviously a significantly more serious series of surgeries.

But these idiot dude friends of our husbands keep telling them horror stories about having vasectomies, a surgery that is undeniably easier than the smoothest birth. Stop. It.

I mean it. Stop. IT!

You're a cockblocker. I want unprotected sex as far as the eye can see without pills, condoms, diaphrams, or anything fucking else happening to my woman parts. Seriously, two babies were plenty of happening for my vagina. The only things from here on out are parties, panty-less parties, UNDERSTAND?

So if your balls swelled or you gave yourself a rare version of frost-bitten herpies with contaminated ice (I made that up,) that can continue to be Shit My Husband Does Not Need You to Tell Him. He'd also like unprotected sex but you just spooked him.

Remember what he went through to get laid before me? Remember what you went through to get laid when your kids were little? Be a man and kindly shut up.

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