A blog about miscarriage, pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period that talks about everything no one talks about. Input WELCOME, email me at Swedishskier@gmail.com with suggestions, additions, or guest post submissions.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Male Perspective on Sex

There are ways that we all edit ourselves. Things we might think, but wouldn't say to our significant other. For example, my husband would never say I looked fat in anything. Nor would he tell me I looked like hell. Nor would he likely tell me the honest truth about my vagina after delivery. Especially if it looked like fat hell.

So since I wanted to find out what men think about sex during pregnancy and after birth, I went to TBK and asked her who she might know that I could interview. (Being as how she's the source for all things sex related and how nice and helpful she is by nature, I figured she'd have the answers or get them.) She got me in touch with Reverend Matt from over at www.thecollectionblog.com, to do the first of 3 interviews with men about their perspective. Reverand Matt was nice enough to allow me to interview him about the nitty gritty details of sex and pregnancy and all that stuff. He provided me with concise, open, honest answers and did so promptly too! Don't worry, I even asked him vagina questions. You're welcome. Without further ado:

What was sex like for you when your wife/partner/gf was pregnant?

In our first pregnancy it was a pretty 'normal' pregnancy. Because we went through infertility treatments at first we were a little cautious, but by the time the 2nd trimester hormones kicked in and her sex drive returned we were more comfortable. After orgasm she would get cramping, which worried us a bit but her OB said that's fine and normal and not to worry about it.

How do you think fertility treatments affected your sex life?

Fertility treatments did affect our sex life in many ways. For me personally sex became a chore. There were specific days and times we HAD to have sex and ones where we shouldn't because there was no chance of conception and we didn't want to waste anything in the days leading up to the fertile stretch. It was tremendously stressful and cause me a great deal of anxiety about sex while we were going through it. Once we successfully conceived it became much easier to deal with sex again.

What things helped your sex life during pregnancy?

Communication. Reassuring her and making her feel beautiful.

Were there things throughout pregnancy/childbirth which took adjusting to? What were they and what helped in the adjustment?

Almost everything took adjusting to. Sometimes she was more interested in being made to feel pretty, loved, secure, cared for, and sex wasn't really appealing to her. Other times she was ready and eager for it but would get morning sickness in the middle. Being understanding of moods and emotional needs and etc is critical.

Describe your experiences with sex immediately after your wife gave birth.

She had severe post partum depression, there was not really any sex to speak of for a while. Once there was again there was some adjustment as the uterus has been through some big changes and she had some tearing during delivery which was still healing and sensitive.

What advice could you offer dads about sex during pregnancy?

Listen. Be understanding, patient, and willing to take care of yourself without pressuring her if need be. Reassure her that she's beautiful and you love her and everything is going to be OK.

After birth?

Really the same advice applies.

What advice could you offer moms about sex during pregnancy?

There is limited advice I can provide women about sex during or after pregnancy except to communicate. Overcommunicate. Make sure you are being as clear as you possibly can about your wants, needs, and limits.

If your wife had a vaginal delivery, how did that change the sensation of sex for you? Visually could you tell? How did you feel about it?

The first was a vaginal delivery. It altered the layout of the whole region a bit (I would say tilted everything slightly back and maybe altered where various nerve endings etc were located). Visually it wasn't noticeable, but it was noticeably physically. I was fine with the changes, it all changes a little bit over the course of each cycle and with age/weight loss/weight gain/etc etc. It's not enough of a change to make sex more or less pleasurable. The second was a c-section which obviously didn't alter sex in any way post delivery.


  1. Male View Part II.

    There is only one time when zero birth control is required. No condom, no pill, no nothin'!
    It is the most incredible of all times to have sex, for there is no worry about pregnancy; she ALREADY IS.

    You only get 9 months and an eclipse or two, so I recommend a minimum three times a day.

    The new layout of the region as noted above is not a problem for guys, though gals believe it is so. If a guy went to the police and had a sketch artist draw his honey's honeymaker, then, put it in a lineup with ten other pictures or sketches of other nether regions, he would not be able to pick his own partner's Google Street View out of the lineup.
    Men are dense.
    We do not know if we have curtains in the windows of our own house, or blinds, or the color of either, if we have them.

    We are familiar with the front door, the toilet, fridge, and remote, plus the vagina, but not necessarily in that order.
    Sadly, this is why few men talk.
    Women do not want to hear about those listed topics too much. (unless the front door is new).

    Now, if he had no clue to the view prior to pregnancy, the same applies post pregnancy.
    They all look fine....provided cleanliness is in the mix. Amazingly, more women have complained to me about their partner's smells than any other item in this post. You gals talk too much!

    Guys....hit the shower before planting any seeds in the garden.

    Age is a factor. Young vaginas (uh, 18 and over) seem to be in vogue, but are really a waste of time. Prime time would be age 28 to 88 or above, for that is the point the brain engages to all body parts at last. Now, the vagina seems to know what to do.

    Little girls want best friends.
    Middle school age is a time of meanness.
    High school is girlfriend competition by gals, plus idiocy divided by the meaninglessness in the overall scheme of a long life.

    College is experiment time. BYOV.
    Competition of gal and gal is less intense.

    Off to the job.... post graduation, and you compete anew with gals at work.

    But at age 28, the brain kicks in and says:
    "An entire life has been spent trying to please girlfriends, hate them, compete with them, befriend at least one if you are lucky, hate them at work, etc. Now that I am 28, I will do what is best for ME, not him, them, her, dose, etc."
    Now that a woman knows what she wants, you got a tiger in the sack.

    And, WE know you talk to your friends about our size, technique, lasting power, and rechargeability. Kindly stop doing that.

    I have witnessed two births and in both cases the kids looked pretty pleased to get out and have room to stretch around and smile.
    The baby needs cleaned up more than I anticipated. The blood was a bit more than anticipated (gee, a 5 gallon bucket at the bed base?? Hmmm.)
    But remember. Few women change tampons in front of their guy, so we are not used to all that blood. YOU ARE!
    We get over it as soon as we have a sandwich; no ketchup.

    Vaginas are like slinkies. Stretch 'em all you want; they always return to shape and make you smile every time.

    1. I do believe you need to speak for yourself with most of this...drivel. Most men, I'd say 70% already do what you don't judging by whats written above. And stop whining about what they talk to their friends about. Where do you think they get ideas from? Way to be the guy that no guy likes. Dick.

    2. To Anon above that wrote on September 16th, 2012- He is right so stfu

  2. My Word Verification was "refirem".
    Truly, an inspired coincidence.

  3. I'm in love with whoever this anonymous commenter is. Wish I knew. But kind of love the not knowing too.

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  5. menGreat! It sounds good. Thanks for sharing..

  6. It’s no secret that a man’s ego has a powerful pull on him.

    In fact this hardwired need to impress and to WIN is so deeply embedded into the male mind...

    That nearly everything a man truly desires is based around this biological “drive” to prove, succeed and to win.

    It’s why so many men become workaholics, gym junkies or become obsessed with their hobbies.

    But what most women don’t know...

    ...is how deeply this “drive” is connected to his love, desire, and attraction for the woman in his life.

    And I’m about to show you how you can “tap into” a man’s ege to refocus that same drive and gut level obsession...

    ...on pleasing you, romancing you, and proving his love for you like you’re his sole purpose in life.

    Here’s how: ==> The “Game ON!” Signal That Makes Him Obsessed With Winning Your Love ]


    P.S. When you tap into a man’s ego this way, you can cause him to literally become obsessed with proving his love for you. So please don’t use this on a man unless you are ready for something serious.

  7. tbh I havent wanted to have sex with my wife much during pregnancy, or even that much before. I think it was because she was so fat, but shes gained alot more weight and become bitchy so I just jerk off a few times a day and call it a night.